


hearts don't stay young forever

by avienexjel



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Civil War Team Iron Man, Heavy Angst, Not A Fix-It, Not Clint Friendly, Not Steve Friendly, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, and his relationships with the other avengers, i don't really discuss the civil war logistics, it's more about tony's emotional state, kind of a happy ending (depending on how you think about it i guess lol)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 07:31:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11504643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avienexjel/pseuds/avienexjel
Summary: There's a saying that goes, "Sometimes you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life."  And Tony does - he forgives Steve, and Clint, and Natasha, and all of the other fugitive Avengers, even gets them pardons to come home.  But no matter what he does, no matter how hard he tries to make up all his crimes (even if that's not the definition of forgiveness), it seems like they're just fine without him.  So, Tony does what he's best at - he picks himself off the cold hard ground and keeps his chin up.  So, he leaves them behind.akaA series of too-late apologies from each of Tony's former teammates (which means this fic will exclude Scott, Sam, Bucky [who's still in cryo], and Wanda); and Tony learning sometimes it's better to let go.





	hearts don't stay young forever

**Author's Note:**

> ok so i should seriously be concentrating on updating all my other fics, but i'm the type of terrible procrastinator who writes one chapter, posts it, and then struggles with motivating herself to write the second one for the next million years. i'm sorry hahaha. but in the meantime...here's this baby;P

He didn't know how hard it would be again to have them back until the recently-pardoned Avengers had already entered the Tower.  Somewhere deep inside him, he had hoped for, well, reconciliation.  It was a long shot, of course, but Howard had never been able to scrub the little-boy hope from his heart.  He used to hate the steel with which his father had spoken to him, had resented the distance and detachedness, but now Tony wishes Howard had been colder.  Forty seven years of masking the tears and pain from the public, yet behind doors he's still as naive as he's always been.

If only Tony didn't have the ghost of a so very trusting child clinging onto his shoulders, maybe he wouldn't have let his former teammates back into his home.  Maybe he wouldn't have, not even for a second, hoped that they would greet him fondly and even say "I'm glad to be back."  And maybe he wouldn't have backed up a step in hurt when the other Avengers stalked past him with hard gazes and lips curled in disgust, even if the famous Tony Stark media smile was plastered on his face.  

As he steps off the elevator lift, he cringes as he hears the loud and boastful noises of none other than Steve and his team.  That's how he's been thinking of them lately; Steve and his team.  If he hadn't felt so numb, he would've laughed when he received the Captain's letter - the Avengers, his?  What a joke.

Tony plans to sneak into the kitchen undetected and just get a coffee refill and maybe an apple, but as soon as he steps foot into the room, everyone quiets.  Steve looks at him and an odd expression crosses his face, like a mix between disapproval and awkwardness.  Clint sneers, as he's wont to do whenever Tony's around, Wanda tenses, and Natasha regards him stonily.  Sam and Scott look at him wide-eyed, not even pretending like they aren't staring, and Tony tries to ignore them all as he heads over to the coffee machine.  Not for the first time, he wishes Rhodey weren't back in Pennsylvania this week visiting his parents' graves, or that Vision didn't refuse to accompany Tony outside his bedroom because of Wanda.  He even wishes the Spiderkid would be here, although it was wrong to bring the teen into this mess in the first place.  

"Hey, Stark," Steve said carefully, as if he's expecting a fight.  If only he knew the truth - that Tony would like nothing more than to mend the bridges that were burned; but sometimes there aren't enough materials left to build another one.  His little-boy heart shudders.

Averting his eyes, Tony fills up his mug, then heads over to the counter to fetch an apple.  He should've asked FRIDAY to alert him when the kitchen was empty, but for some masochistic reason he wanted to see everyone.  Even if just to remind himself that he's not alone in the Tower, despite feeling lonely.

"What, Stark, you're just gonna blow us off like that now?" he hears from behind his back.   _Clint._ He remembers other days, better days, when he and the archer could keep up easygoing banter and started prank wars, but those times are long gone.

He stays silent, and moves to the doorway, when he feels the first grape hit his shoulder.

Tony flinches and turns around, losing the tightly wound control he's had since they first returned eight days ago, and snaps, "What the fuck, Barton?"

The archer rolls another plump purple grape between his fingers and smirks nastily.  "Now you're paying attention to us, huh?"

Tony clenches his jaw as the second aforementioned piece of fruit sails through the air and hits him in the cheek.  The apple is in one hand, his coffee in the other, so he can't exactly catch it.

"Clint," Steve says warningly.  "We're better men than him, you know that."

Barton glances at Steve and sinks back down onto his chair, but doesn't lose the vicious expression on his face.

Tony opens his mouth.   _I got you back into the US,_ he wants to say.   _I took you back into my home, gave you back your old rooms, feed you clothe you keep you happy._ But he bites down any replies he might have let out.  He's not sure if defending himself would make any impact anyway.  Instead, he turns around again and exits the room.

 

That night, Natasha visits his workshop.  Stupidly, stupidly, Tony hadn't even _thought_ to revoke any of their override codes.  He'll do that, as soon as the assassin leaves.

She perches on the desk and watches him work, and he can feel her moving subtly behind him, but says nothing.  Finally, when he takes off his goggles (yes, sometimes he can be responsible) and sets down the welding iron, she speaks.

"I'm sorry, Tony."  It doesn't escape his notice that she's purposely using _"Tony"_ instead of _"Stark",_ as if to show there's still some friendship left between them.  He would've accepted it six months ago, before she betrayed him for Steve and his brainwashed buddy, but now…

"Natalie," he replies smoothly.  After a second, "sorry for what?"

Tony holds his breath but doesn't know what he was expecting when she says, "For Clint's behavior earlier today."

Tony shrugs.  "It's nothing surprising.  He's made his emotions toward me very clear.  In fact, why are you even here?"

His hand creeps toward the welding iron again but stops when Natasha sighs and hops off the table, walking closer to him.  He's sure the inevitable tensing of his muscles doesn't escape her notice.  

She shrugs delicately and clasps her hands in front of her, the very picture of docility.  "I guess...I wanted to let you know...that I never meant to hurt you.  I know you're hurting.  But I had to do what was right.  They weren't going to stop."

"Y'know, this would hold more weight if you'd told me this, hmm, months ago?" Tony says, crossing his arms and leaning against the worktable.  "And you can cut the bullshit, Natasha, we all know you're only trying to get me to trust you again.  Heads up, honey, that's not how trust works."

Natasha's eyes flare up for a second before her gaze settles again.  "I'm trying to say _sorry,_ Stark," she says, and Tony feels a moment of nasty pleasure for setting her on edge.

"People like you don't say sorry."  He flips a wrench up in the air, catches it neatly in his palm.  "You make ties, you break them, and then you leave."

Natasha watches him.  "I know you're trying to upset me."

It's Tony's turn to shrug.  "Think what you want.  I thought I was just being honest.  I think we both need a little more of that in our lives, huh?"  He imagines the jab sinking into her skin like a knife and butter, wonders what he would do if a knife replaced her presence right now.   _Dangerous thoughts.  Don't go there, Stark._

The redhead seems to soften for a moment, looking up at him as if she's actually sorry.  Once upon a time, Tony would have been softer too, more trusting, but even his little-boy heart isn't that stupid.  "I'm not apologizing for what happened," she says quietly, "because it would've ended in even more bloodshed if I hadn't done what I did.  But I _am_ sorry for hurting you, Tony."

"Okay," he says simply, and after she realizes she won't be getting any more of a reaction from him than that, she leaves.

Tony stays leaning against the workshop table for a while, in silence, just studying the half-eaten apple left on the table from earlier that afternoon.  He notices distantly, like he's seeing but not really registering, that the skin is the exact color of Natasha's hair, but the juicy white flesh has long since turned brown.

**Author's Note:**

> comment!!:)) i don't really reply to comments ever lmao unless they're questions but don't worry i read them all. sometimes i squee silently too when they're rlly nice hahaha


End file.
